Draft Day (2014)

Content by Tony Macklin. Originally published on April 12, 2014 @ tonymacklin.net.

Draft Day suffers from illegal procedure.

It punts from the other team's 10-yard line. It's a good punt, but it's still a nonsensical punt.

The moral of the story is that if you're stupid, good luck can save you.

Draft Day is the story of how Sonny Weaver, Jr. (Kevin Costner), the general manager of the Cleveland Browns, saves Cleveland. He saves it by not knowing what he's doing.

Ruben Amaro, of the Phillies, there's hope for you. Weaver is even more unprepared than the hapless Amaro. He trades his first-rounder plus his first round picks for the next three years in return for the number one in the present draft.

He's probably looking for Tebow.

Sonny makes the trade after the Seattle GM (Patrick St. Esprit) says, "You're panicking, and I'm going to take advantage of it." Of course, anyone would leap at the trade after hearing that.

And Sonny makes the trade before doing his homework on the player whom he thinks will be his choice.

When he finally does make his draft selection, it's one a GM wouldn't and couldn't make. There's absolutely no way - after trading four years of first round picks - he'd make it.

It's nonsense that would make any GM cringe.

Draft Day is the kind of film that makes actual players - James Brown, Bernie Kosar, et al. - into props.

We know we're in trouble when the first voice we hear is that of Chris Berman. It's accompanied by loud music. Draft Day starts with noise. It's like a political movie starting with Chris Mathews. It's in trouble already.

The familiar cast is the best part of Draft Day. Costner is effective as the waffling GM. Jennifer Garner, as financial expert and girl friend Ali, coasts through a superficial role. Denis Leary is ok as Coach Vince Penn - he was in Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), so he knows absurdity. Frank Langella, as the owner, scowls, but mostly hides behind dark glasses.

Director Ivan Reitman uses a lot of split screens, but split nonsense is still nonsense.

The film's third-stringers are its writers Scott Rothman and Rajiv Joseph. They even throw in a pregnancy, probably as a sop to female viewers.

For sports purists, Draft Day is awful. For Kevin Costner fans, it has its moments. I guess I'm both.

Draft Day is a wobbly completion.